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| Its way of life |
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The
Chinese way of life is distinctive in many subtle
ways. Western notions of the centrality of the self
are alien to many Chinese, who see themselves in
relation to family, community, and the past, rather
than as entirely free agents. |
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| Family |
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| The most important ingredient in Chinese
society is the family, an institution whose strength has
been sorely tested by events in recent decades when, under
Mao, children were encouraged to parents and close
relatives. But it was not long ago that most marriages
were arranged by parents or by a professional matchmaker,
and in remoter areas these practices have continued
unchecked; even in major cities the matchmaker has
recently made an unexpected comeback. Weddings are big
affairs, and huge sums, out of all proportion to income,
are spent on the celebrations. Once married, the bird
customarily moves in with her in-laws, at least until the
new couple can secure their own place.
The idea of
bachelorhood is practically unknown among the Chinese
because children are considered essential to continuing
the family line and for providing a means of support in
old age. In this respect, the Cultural Revolution’s
emphasis on the enforced denunciation of relatives has
only led to a subsequent resurgence of family loyalty, as
well as to the pain of collective guilt.
The government’s policy of one child per family
(designed to alleviate the population problem) has led to
the rise of a generation of “little emperors,” to whom the
absence of siblings has meant unbridled adulation. It has
also brought a certain lack of confidence because a large
family meant security and influence. In the past you could
count on guanxi, that is, obtaining favors, jobs,
contracts or gifts from your relatives- an essential
feature of Chinese life that might perhaps be thought of,
by the purer mind, as corruption. |
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| Losing face |
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| Romantic love is not a Chinese notion.
Pragmatism is the order of the day, though the younger,
more independent-minded Chinese are demanding the right to
make theirs own decisions. As a result, divorce,
traditionally unutterably shameful, is becoming more
widespread. Indeed, the idea of shame, usually expressed
as “losing face” (diulian), is integral to the Chinese
attitude to life. Losing face is more than just shame,
however, for shame implies a subjective feeling of guilt
whereas loss of face is something more-it is a slight, a
missed opportunity, family shame, regional shame a failure
to perform a duty according to the expectation and
judgment of one’s peers, particularly in front foreigners.
It can be one of these things, or a little of all of them. |
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